Tuesday 5 February 2013

How To Write About England.

Inspired By How to write about Africa;

http://www.granta.com/Archive/One-Day-I-Will-Write-About-This-Place


Well, England the land of afternoon tea and scones, when writing on England explain that everybody in talks in a posh accent and works on farms with sheep and cows roaming the open fields and after having tea with the queen you would make it clear that every one pops down to the precinct and stuffs their faces with sweets and fish and chips. 

Then when it nears sunset the entire village will pop on down to the local pub (usually named the Red Lion or Royal Oak) with their boarder collie and drink gallons and gallons of beer while watching football. One very important fact that you must add is that English men are football hooligans going crazy over a goal especially when they have had too much beer. Also everybody in England uses the words Spiffing, Fiddle Sticks and Tallyho way too much it becomes annoying.

In the morning you will normally wake up to fog outside your windows and you wont be able to see a single thing apart from the pigeon sit on your windowsill. Talk about how everybody is fat from the large intakes of Bacon, fried eggs and sausages for breakfast (known As A Fry Up). You will always have the traditional British breakfast and drink tons more tea you will also always watch BBC news in the mornings to keep you up to date. In England everybody worships the Queen and knows her personally from having many afternoon tea sessions with her. Everybody also walks to the newsstand in their bowler hats (they wear these so their little bit of hair dont get wet from the persistant rain). When writing about England make sure you include all of these very true facts!